Disappointed that I haven't been able to come on Xanga at all really. I started this new profile not too long ago and had so many plans to write specific things, but with recent events thats been going on I've had too much on my mind to remember what any of them were. And too little time to write them even if I could remember.

So this is whats been going on since I last wrote a blog...

I'm still technically homeless at least as far as the state is concerned. I'm still staying with my friend but all my belongings are either packed away in storage or sitting in my car. Does anyone know what the definition of living somewhere is? I go there every day...but usually I'm gone from 5am till around 10:15pm. I don't keep my stuff there other than my toothbrush and toothpaste, and a change of clothes for the next morning. I don't really sleep there, and if I do its usually no more than an hour. So I don't really know if I can say I'm living there...I know I cant legally say I live there or Sam could get evicted since I'm not on her lease...

My ex and I are staying good friends. We were together for over 5 years and it was sort of a harsh break up, but we're moving on as friends. I know that will be difficult sometimes, like when one of us starts dating again...but I know we'll work through it. His family and friends don't want us to see or talk to each other, they think it will make it harder for him to get over me...and they may be right :-/ but I don't want to just stop being friends with him.

I'm getting a tattoo today on my upper back. I think I'm going to get a lot of comments and criticism about it but I don't really care. its going to be written in fancy cursive writing and say "I'll always have love for my first love." I've only told about 4 people about it, only one liked the idea..the rest think I'll regret it but they don't understand...I've been with Dan since I was 15...and before that we were friends, even if something happens and we end up not talking, or even if he hates me I'll always have love for him in my heart. He was my first real boyfriend, my best friend, long term relationship...we've gone through more than anyone could really imagine, and he's a huge part of what made me who I am today...

His mom hated me for the way we broke up...she was looking forward to having grandkids, and she saw me as the daughter she never had, we were really close. It was kind of one of the worst parts of the break up...losing my mom. I didn't think she would forgive me. The other night I was working, the store was completely empty and I was cleaning up the candies when I heard me name being called. I looked up and saw her standing there smiling and my stomach dropped. She said she came to give me my mail, handed it to me, and told me she loved me. I threw myself into her, hugging her without even thinking about it and told her I was sorry. She said it was okay and that she didn't want to upset me at work...she left and I sat behind the counter and cried, I'm so glad we had no customers.

I have a few plans...
My first is to get an EBT card, being that I'm considered homeless by the state why not take advantage of it? We all need to eat right? and thats something I haven't been doing very much of.
At the same time I will be getting health insurance, a new law passed in NH, they cant deny me health insurance and my copays will depend on my income.
I'll also be going to get my pharmacist licence so I can work in the pharmacy instead of cashiering, I'll get a few more dollars an hour.
I want to get a third job...I babysit every day from 6am-4/430pm, on Tuesdays,Wednesdays,  and Sundays I work at rite aid from 5pm-930(ish)pm. So I want a third job to alternate between my rite aid job. but I'm going to wait for that until after I get my pharmacist licence in case I'm able to switch and my hours change...
And lastly, going to Hawaii...it wont be for another month or so but I'm hoping that works out, I'm looking into schools there, want to stay in Hawaii for a year and hopefully go to college there, then transfer when I come back.

         I've started working on going back to school recently. I graduated from high school in '09 and was looking to go to college but was having some issues. My first issue was I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted to do, at the time I was looking at colleges for...I thought I did at times but never really had my heart too set in anything. My other issue was with financial aid, college financial aid does not consider anyone independent unless they are 25+ or married. I haven't lived with my father since I was 7 and my mother since I was 15, its nearly impossible to get information from either one of them and I couldn't fill out the paperwork without them.

      But now I've gone back, I've filled out a paper explaining my situation and now a court will have to decide if I should be considered independent or not. I really hope that works out. Its the only thing that could possibly keep me from going to college this time. Its not the best college in the world, just Hesser...but still. There has only been 3 people in my entire family who have gone to college, only 2 that graduated. No one in my family really knows I'm even trying to go back to school, just my aunt Jessica and my grandmother. They're the only ones in my family I really talk to anymore, the rest think I'm worthless so I don't want to tell them anything until I know its going to happen.

     Everything looks good so far, I went for a meeting 2 weeks ago where I was interviewed, a short test, and got a tour of the school. Last week I went again for a background check, and to fill out a bunch of paperwork. and I went again last night to take a placement test to know what math and english class I will be put in. I was proud of my scores, I made it to all the toughest classes, which I'm nervous about but excited. So now all thats left is the financial aid...if all goes well I'll be starting in September. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and my head high.

   I will have a very full schedule. Babysitting, working, and going to school...eek! But I'll make it work...